I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
