I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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