I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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