at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
