wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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