I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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