Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
