Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
