I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
