yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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