Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
