pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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