Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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