I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
