life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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