please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
