New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
