its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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