How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
They are going to name an STD after you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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