I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Less talking, more tequila
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
