there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Shame - the story of my life.
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