Small penises have feelings too.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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