I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
