I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This house was built for laser tag.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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