how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
