you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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