Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
