2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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