Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
