The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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