Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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