Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
