So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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