Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
