the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Someone shit on the floor
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
