kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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