The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
