i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
