My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
