She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
