I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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