Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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