I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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