you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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