You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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