i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
