Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
