i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
