Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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