I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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