why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
