Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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