i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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