Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
