Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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