I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i think im in europe. pls send help
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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