Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
